“Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding;” Prov. 3:5
I have a confession to make. I almost lost heart. Well, I kinda did lose heart. And I almost quit. Writing that is.
It’s hardly earth shattering, and I realize no one would have noticed except me. Knowing this, I’ve wondered a lot lately whether writing in this space is a valuable and effective use of my time—time that seems to be a scarce commodity these days.
I looked at my available time; and the many responsibilities I have as a wife, mom, Mimi, teacher, friend, homemaker, bookkeeper, photographer, writer.
I looked at how long it takes to complete the writing process on just one post; how hard the words come sometimes, how fearful the responsibility.
I looked at the numbers — subscribers, readers, commenters, etc. I treasure each one, but in my unbelief, I hoped for more.
I looked at the mass volume of words out there in the land o’internet, drowning silence as everyone strives to be heard.
Having contemplated at length all these visible realities, I decided my words, which amount to a drop in the ocean, weren’t needed. I decided it would be wise to find a more efficient way to steward my time.
As I considered these things, my way became darkened, my thoughts confounded. Creativity shrivelled—dried and worn like the fallen leaves lying dormant on my unraked lawn.
Unbelief set in and I lost heart. Before I hit the ‘Delete Site’ button, I prayed and sought the Lord.
Funny thing? He answered.
He showed me that I was leaning on my own understanding instead of trusting Him with my whole heart.
His Word helped me understand that my hope was in what I could see (or rather couldn’t see), instead of in His promises.
He reminded me that somewhere along the way I ceased to be faithful in the small things while I aspired to accomplish big things.
His word soothed my discouragement and lit my darkness as I read these verses that have marked my path before:
“Therefore, my beloved brethren, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that your labor is not in vain in the Lord.” 1 Cor. 15:58
And:
“And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap, if we do not lose heart.” Gal. 6:9
I remembered a fellow writer’s words penned a some years ago, yet never forgotten:
“At the end of the day, your writing is from God and for him. Good reader, have courage and be kind. And if you are a writer, please write.”
Four years ago as I published my very first post here, I asked the Lord to send my words to encourage even just one reader. And He did. It was enough then, it is enough now.
Lord, help me not to despise small beginnings, but trust you to do with these words what you choose. May you bless even just one reader. Increase my faithfulness and my faith, as you help me to overcome my unbelief.
Remind me that it’s all about the right perspective-—heaven’s, not earth’s.
From where I took the picture above—a mess of trees with no seeming path forward—if you turn yourself just to the right, a clear path opens up:
“in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.” Prov. 3:6
